According to Cindy

Took my son, Paul, and his friend James out to lunch today. They wanted to go to Cici's pizza buffet. It was pretty good. Shot my diet for today! When Paul is gone, I'll have 2 weeks to starve!
At the pizza place there was this little girl there, about 10 years old wearing a leopard print mini-skirt. Nothing wrong with that. But, she had some kind of padding in her hose that made her look like she had "hips." And I wasn't staring or anything, but the skirt was short and you could see it. I thought it was really tacky for the girls mother to let her go out like that.
Then we went over to Office Depot. I got what I believe is a Travel Drive. It's an extra drive for your computer, and you can store it on your key chain. I think it's neat if I can figure out how to use it. I'm fixing to practice with it. When I was at the check out, and just had finished paying, a man walked up to me. I know he wasn't trying to pick me up, because I had to boys with me. He was exchanging a used printer cartridge for a ream of paper. They would only let him exchange one, but he had three cartridges, so he offered me one of them. The lady running the store came running over and wouldn't let him give me the cartridges to get the paper with. I thought it was sort of funny but Paul was ready to "open up a can of whoop a$$." I thought that was so sweet... him wanting to defend his momma.
I took them to the card shop then. Paul got a starter deck of some kind of dualing card game and I got a Wonder Woman comic book. I know, a grown woman reading Wonder Woman, what a joke right? Some of these comic books are very grown up though!

I should remember my bedroom well. I spent a lot of time in it growing up. Especially as I entered the teen years. I stayed in there playing records (yeah, records) and reading and writing and daydreaming. I can still remember the first record player I got. I listed to Heart sing "Magic Man" over and over. Drove my parents crazy, playing it too loud. I wrote in my diary and was so paranoid someone would read it. Who would have ever thought I would be keeping a journal online one day that anyone in the world can read, if they want to? I hung up pictures of the (don't laugh) Bay City Rollers. The carpet was this crazy orange and black print.
Weird thing was, as much time as I spent in my room, I didn't sleep there much. I usually slept on the living room floor!
I was a weird kid!

Surely this was set off by the KFC Chicken tantrum.

I dreamed last night that I was in staff meeting. Everyone was talking about Nancy. Then she came in and suddenly everyone stopped talking. They were talking about what a jerk her husband was. Which was weird, because he's actually a very nice man. So after staff meeting we all decided to go to Nancy's house for lunch. When I walked in her house, I thought, Man, my apartment doesn't seem so bad now. It was like a dungeon with caulk and plaster stuck to everything and falling all over the floor. Which I'm sure is NOT what her house looks like. Then we all went outside for a picnic. Suddenly Doug and Brandi and everyone was there. Brandi asked for some food. She wanted what her daddy was eating. It was some kind of pepper thing with cheese all over the top. So I asked Doug if it was hot (as in spicy hot) and he said no. I went to fix her a plate and all the stuff she wanted was gone. I went and looked in the oven and there was some in there but it belonged to Nancy's son. Knowing this, I went ahead and took half of it for Brandi, thinking he won't care if I give her half of it.
When she finished eating (or maybe while she was eating) she asked me to cut her hair. She really did ask me to cut her hair over the weekend. This was odd to me because she cried last time she got a hair cut and has been trying ever since to grow her hair long, like a "Disney Princess." Now that it is finally about 4 inches past her shoulders and starting to look really pretty, she wants to cut it. Anyway, back to the dream. In my dream last night, she asked me to cut her hair and I went and got the scissors. I said, "How do you want it cut?" and she said short in the back and long in the front. That is how it used to be cut when it was shorter. It really was cute. So I told her to lean her head forward and I cut the back straight across just above the beginning of the hairline on the back of her head. Then I started chopping away at the sides. Then I cut off too much and it looked more like a bowl cut than a style. About that time, she said she changed her mind and she didn't want it cut after all. She pulled away from me. The last thing I remember about the dream was that she had short hair in the back and on one side, and really long hair on the other side.
WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD

This here is a totally fictionalized account of last night....

Yesterday after work, I stopped by KFC for supper. I got the 9.99 Dale whateverhisname is bucket.

Brandi asked for a chicken leg and I put one on her plate. The first thing I did (as usual) was to take all the chicken off the bone and put ketchup on her plate. She looked down at it and started crying. I asked her what was wrong. She said she wanted her chicken with the bone in it. Later on she asked for another peice of chicken. I gave it to her with the bone left in of course. Well what do you know? She wanted the bone took out of the chicken. So she starts bawling and howling and bawling and howling. And I, wanting to be a good mother, and not give in to her tantrum, continued reading my True Confession magazine. Doug also iggyed her. Meanwhile, she continues to get louder and louder and louder.
Soon I hear a loud knock on the door. I go see who it is. A police officer is standing there and said he had a report of a child screaming loudly and he had to check and make sure she wasn't being abused.
So, I brought him into the kitchen.
There Brandi sat. Screaming. "Mommy!" she wailed. "Cut up my CHICKEN!" (small breath here) "MOMMY!" (More wailing) "CUT UP MY CHIIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEN!" Over and over and over again.
I asked him if he wanted to take her with him.
He said "No thanks," and laughed all the way back to the car.

Sounds heinous huh?
It sort of was after a while.
You make enough cabbage soup to last a week. It's pretty good until you've eaten it the thirtieth time. It contains cabbage, tomatoes, onions, green peppers, celery, and stuff.
Then you eat fruit and the soup the first day. Then veggies and soup the next day. Then veggies, fruit and soup the next day. Somewhere in there you actually get to add in some tuna and/or chicken to the fruit and veggies. I can't remember really. I made it to the fourth day and puked (yes, literally), so I just ate the fruit and veggies and left off the soup. By Friday I just ate small amounts and said to heck with cabbage soup diet.

So, do I want to ask? What IS the Heart Attack Diet?

Whoever you are! Tiff knows you so you must be ok! Thanks for visiting, reading and commenting on this blog. If you've never had a meatball sub, get your booty on down to the nearest Subway and order one! They are delicious. And exaclty what the name implies. It is a sub sandwich with meatballs. You can order anything on it you want. I suggest extra cheese, black olives and banana peppers. My son likes it with just extra cheese and lettuce. Order what you like.

And to Tiff, my BP readings have all been normal since I left the doctors office. I'm going to quit worrying about it. Thank you for advertising my blog! Oh, and the link to Harlequin is on the left side of this page. It is the link with the name "I'm addicted to..." If you can't find it, I will email it to you! I should also be able to mail your book tomorrow. Sorry for the delay. Hope it helps!

The weekend went pretty well. Paul wasn't really catching strep throat after all. He was just a bit hoarse from yelling the day before. He stayed home today.

I got a good bit of writing done. My final LRWG assignment is almost finished. I want to try and finish it tonight and then let it cool off and polish it this weekend. Then it should be ready to mail by the eighth of July.

The diet is going well, in spite of the fact that I am starving to death and very tense. I have lost 6 lbs this week. Has it been worth it? I guess it depends on if I lose any more and if it says lost. My BP was 126/84 at walmart the other day.
I am fixing to go get my son a meatball sub at Subway and a bunch of bananas for me. Can you just imagine the smell and how it is going to kill me???

What have I come to understand only by reflection:
That if I didn't make you unhappy, I can't make you happy. It's impossible. Some people were unhappy before I met them. Some people were unhappy before I was even born. I didn't cause the unhappiness. I cannot fix it. Even though I times I wanted to and desperately tried. I only hurt myself in the process.

10 things most people don't know about ME!
1. William Shatner was my first crush. I was only 8. What did I know then?
2. I was born in Pheonix, Arizona. I only lived there one year.
3. When I was little, my daddy called me "desert rat."
4. My first ambition was to be the first woman astronaut.
5. My second ambition was to be a writer.
6. I didn't want to be a mother, until I got pregnant. Then it was the most exciting thing that ever happened to me.
7. I sing in my car. Really loud. That is the ONLY time I sing.
8. I like big hair bands.
9. I like Wonder Woman comic books.
10. I always believed I was born on the wrong planet.

For tongue twister Tuesday:
I'm totally terrible at tinking up t tarting tongue twisters on Tuesday. That is why I did it on Thursday.

Memorable Meals:
Eating out at a little Italian restaraunt in Carrollton, GA on Fridays with my parents when I was a child. The spaghetti was so good there, back then. I've never had any like it since then.

Games I played as a child:
Making believe we were super heroes. Puppet shows. We'd create a haunted house in a darkened room.

Favorite Song:
It's so hard to pick. But here goes:
(I went to find the lyrics to that song, and you would be amazed how many people have that on their blogs.)

HANGING BY A MOMENT by Lifehouse Family

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I question where to go
And I don't know what I'm tapping into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I question where to go
And I don't know what I'm tapping into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with you

I was reading over some of the comments on my blog.
My hair did turn out good. I really like it. It's so easy in the morning. I can flip it out or flip it under, or just put moose (how do you spell that stuff?) on it and scrunch it up.
My BP was only borderline. But the dr predicted that if I don't do something about it now I'll be on BP meds in 5 years. I hate the medicine I'm on now and if it really is going up, I blame the medicine. I still think it was a fluke. I may be in denial. I need to lose a few lbs anyway. My weight was borderline for my height too. I won't put that on a post but will tell you if you care LOL. And of course we all know steriods like cortisone and prednisone make you gain weight. Don't you just love it? They give you all this medicine and then blame you for the side effects?
OK I'm through bellyachin and have to go to staff meeting now.
I'm going to take that book to the post office and have it weighed tomorrow.
I should have it to you by the end of the week.
SEEYA

Woke up with a headache this am. I've eaten a banana and took some advil. I hope it goes away soon.
I just took something out of my son's foot. I don't know what it was, but he says it feels better, so I'm good with that.
Doug is obsessing about work. He talks about it non-stop. It's driving me crazy. Even if I try to change the subject, he finds some way to bring the subject back to his work. I'm going to go crazy listening to that. How do I make him talk about something else???? I mean really, it takes me 10 seconds to tell him about my day. Why does he have to go on and on and on forever. Same thing over and over and over....
Oh Lordy.

cookies and doughnuts and chocolate...
OH MY!

Writing Book I’m reading:
Crafting Prose by Don Richard Cox and Elizabeth Giddens

Chapter two: Options for inventions.

Invention = Coming up with ideas.

Try many of these options to see which works best for you.

Options for invention:
Free writing, focused free writing and looping
Listing and grouping
Branching
Paring questions
Journaling
Researching
Audience analysis
Limiting your topic

I will write in greater detail the ones that I like and use the most.

Free writing, focused free writing and looping.
I love to free write. Most of my blogging is free writing. Free writing is when you just write whatever is on your mind, without editing or correcting or thinking to hard on the subject. This is a good technique to get started with because it requires no forethought.
If you write on any subject that comes to mind, rambling first on this subject or that, it is unfocused.
There is also focused free writing. I do this for most of my first drafts. This is when you free write on a pre-determined subject.
Unfocused and focused free writing can be used together. The process of free writing, reading and then free writing again is called looping. If something in your free writing appeals to you, you may elaborate on that subject. You can zero in on something without straining to do so.
Some writers also measure their productivity by daily or weekly word counts. This type of writing allows the writer to fill these word counts with something productive. Even if the words are cut later, they are still being more productive than if they sat around stressing over what to write, how to write, is it organized, is it interesting to themselves or others and so forth.

Listing and grouping
I have done this a time or two as well. When trying to write a story with a particular theme or feel to it, this really comes in handy. Say if I wanted to write about a mysterious moonlit lake, I would list moonlight, and then list all the words that come to mind after that. Then do the same with lake. As other words come to mind, it brings other related words to mind as well. When writing the story, I incorporate these words in the story.
Besides words, you can also list phrases. Sometimes the phrases or words may only make sense to the writer and no one else. This is fine. You will fill in the details for readers when your idea is more concrete. Just getting the ideas flowing is the point now. It is not unusual during an exercise like this, to come to new realizations about a subject or have a totally new idea arise. You may find yourself thinking of same old subjects in a totally new way. The author of this book uses the word “sophistication” as a starting point. Later the writer comes to realize that what is commonly thought of as sophistication is really shallow and trendy. As new words and ideas are formed around the original word, more research into the ideas may be needed. “Culture” was related to “sophistication” and the writer had to find out more about how that term was related.


Branching
Branching is similar to listing and grouping except it is done spatially. This kind of reminds me of a flow chart. I have done this in a class, but I like listing better. Others may like this better. It has the advantage of letting you see the richness of your topic as well as how your ideas can interconnect to one another. Related to this is sketches, maps, timelines, and diagrams.

Pairing Questions:
Who, what, where, when, why, and how. Pair up any two of those and see what you come up with. The only time I use these is when I do posters or brochures for upcoming events. It helps to make sure all those topics are covered. I don’t know how it would work for fiction or article writing unless it was informative.

Journals:
This is probably the best thing a writer can do. Looking over past journal entries can spark ideas like nothing else. It is also a good way of remembering things that would otherwise be forgotten.
Things to include in a journal:
Bits of conversation, pith remarks, and questions.
Experiences and reflections
Sorting through problems and conflicts
Impressions about class work, lectures, articles, books, stories, or textbook subjects.
Track your progress on projects and interests.
Plans for future activities

Researching:
The internet, newspapers, news stories, magazines, books, interviewing others, or your job are a few sources of information.
If you research too much you may become confused about your topic.

Audience analysis:
Every writer knows or should know their audience. What will interest them and how to approach the subject. A Woman’s Day article is very different from Cosmopolitan. Scientific American is very different than Ms. Magazine. Remember who you are writing for. Christian moms may have very different interests than very liberal feminists.

Limiting your topic:
You simply can’t say everything in the world there is to say about a subject. This is true if you are writing a short article or a long book. Figure out what you want to say about a subject and stick to that. Never imply in your writing that you have covered more than you actually have.

Focus: Suggestions for writing:
My autobiography as a writer: I became interested in writing when I was about eight years old. About that time I became interested in the solar system and outer space, so I’d sit and think up sci-fi type stories about space. When I was in the sixth grade I wrote a short play called “The Car.” It was a favorite in a talent show that year. In high school I received many writing assignments and my stories were notorious for being so very long. When I was in the ninth grade, a teacher wrote in my yearbook that she knew I’d be a great writer one day. That hasn’t come to pass yet, but I’m working on it. One of my biggest frustrations with my writing now is the lack of time I have to actually devote to my writing. I would love to be able to spend hours everyday just writing, but I have a full time job and two children.
Write about a particularly successful writing project: I recently sold a short story to True Confessions magazine. I was totally thrilled with this success. I was inspired to write that story when I watched a TV show called “The Swan.” I tried to picture how the girls lives changed after they left the show. In particular, the winner of the first seasons show, Rachel, with her very unsupportive boyfriend on the phone inspired me. I totally fell in love with her the night she won. She had changed, but not just her looks. She blossomed in such a miraculous way. So when I signed up for a confession writing course, this was the story line I chose to write about.
Describe the perfect writing process and writing environment: The perfect process comes in many different forms. Mostly I like to write out a loose outline of my story as well as character descriptions of my main characters. Those two things typically feed off one another. I like to know the ending before I begin writing. This gives my story direction and prevents a lot of rewriting later. Sometimes I have no idea how I will end the story. This lends to more struggling but if the story line is very strong, I can usually still come out with a successful story. Often the ending comes when I least expect it, like when I’m washing dishes or driving down the road. The perfect environment is a very quiet room where I am alone and have several hours to devote to writing. I am always surprised at how time flies when I am working on writing.

Lovely Monday morning here!
How can a Monday be lovely, you may ask? Well, my son is back! We went to get him Friday night. It was pretty late getting back, but well worth the trip. We brought him home and Saturday we showered him with belated birthday presents. (He was away for his birthday.)
Also, the sun is out. No rain in sight. That could change quickly of course. But it is starting out to be a lovely day.
My son is here with me and his friend James is here also. So they are contentedly enjoying each other's company in the Youth Room.
Today is the first day of my Cabbage Soup Diet. I should be 10 pounds lighter by next Monday. Wish me luck. After this week of jumpstarting my diet, I am going to switch to either Sugar Busters (my doctor recommended and has worked well for one of our volunteers) or a low carb diet like atkins or South Beach. Not sure...Wish me luck either way. For me to drop the few pounds and that my BP comes down. I am going to talk to the doctors as well about changing some of my medicines. I think that is responsible for part of the problem.
Doug seems to be enjoying working for himself. He's been in a much better mood overall. I hope this works out well. He thinks he's going to be a millionaire. Ha ha don't I wish?

Writing Book I’m reading:
Crafting Prose by Don Richard Cox and Elizabeth Giddens

Chapter one: Advice for Writers

Writer’s Block:
2 remedies:
Lower your standards for writing
Let your ideas brew for a while (but not too long)

Sometimes you have to write poorly in order to write better later on. Sometimes you have to take a break and get distance from what you are writing and come back to it fresher later on.
One should lower his standards until there is no felt threshold to go over in writing. It’s easy to write. You just shouldn’t have standards that inhibit you from writing.
--William Stafford

It’s a matter of letting go. You have to work hard, you have to punch a clock, you have to put in your time. But somehow there’s a trick of letting go to let the best writing take place.
--Walker Percy

Focus: Suggestions for Writing:
Analogy for writing: I think of writing, kind of like creating a garment from fabric. First, you measure out all the fabric needed. There will be much more material there than actually needed,(like a first draft) and the excess will be cut away when you place your pattern onto the material and cut out the exact amount needed (cutting away excess words and useless info). Then you sew the pieces together and the fabric starts to take on the shape of what you are making (put what you have written into the most logical and readable order). It might be wearable at this stage but you are not finished yet. You take the sewn up fabric and add in the details that make it more attractive to wear, like zippers, buttons, lace, etc. (The final polishing, adding in similes, pretty sounding passages, anything that “decorates” the work).
When does writing come easy for you? When I am writing about something I know very well, or something I feel very passionately about. Sometimes I just feel “inspired” by a certain story that I’ve had in my mind for a while and suddenly the missing piece for that story comes to me. It usually seems perfect and just makes the story “work.” I get excited and can’t stop writing.
When is writing difficult for you? I suffer from a chronic illness and sometimes I’m in pain or extremely fatigued. When I feel this way, it’s impossible for me to concentrate. It’s also hard for me to write when there are many distractions. Like when the kids are wanting things and interrupting me every few minutes. I try to get a lot of writing done early in the mornings on weekends and stuff.

It's really hot outside. I kept wishing for the rain to go away. And now the sun is out. I got my wish. I think our airconditioning is broken in here also. It's hot in here as well, but much cooler than out there.
I spent the morning waiting for a doctor to come in and see me while wearing nothing but paper. You women know what I am talking about. We do it once a year, right? Right. Well, then the doctor comes in and proceeds to tell me I am getting old and crap. I'm trying not to let it really piss me off. I know I'm nearly 40. But why is it we women get to go to a doctor once a year and get told about it. I'm used to being told how young and healthy I am and that all my "numbers" are good. Now what? I have high BP he says. I tried to blame it on the medicines I have been taking. He says, "Oh that can contribute to it some, but mostly you need to watch your diet, exercise, drink water and blah blah blah." And what is this about caffiene? I can't function with no caffiene. Men don't have to go to a doctor and get told they are old. They just wait until they are sixty or seventy and have a heart attack. THEN the doctor tells them to do this that and the other thing.
I went to the bank this afternoon for my 12 second lunch break. I didn't take a full hour to try and make up for some of the time I missed this morning having all that fun at the doctor's office. So, I'm pulling out of the parking lot right? And there is this huge truck hauling some kind of big equipment on the back of his truck and it's clear he's not going anywhere anytime soon. So I see a few other people taking a "short cut" and going out another way. I get the bright idea to follow and do the same. My poor escort wouldn't make it up that steep hill as easily as the jeep and the four wheel drive vehicles did it. There was a dodge truck right behind me, which meant I could not roll back down the hill and go anohter way. No, I was stuck there. I nearly overheated the poor car going up the hill. I could smell the hot motor even when I got back here.

Ok, since the doctor has been telling me my demise is near, if I don't change my lifestyle, I think I will write out my thoughts on "healthy habits that make you feel good."
1. Exercise. It makes you feel good. Really good. Really it does. Now is the perfect time to start. I was going to start Monday anyway. I just didn't need the doctor telling me to...
2. Eating healthy food. You don't feel so stuffed. You have more energy. You will feel like doing more. Yea right, I'm going to Wendy's for a frosty as soon as I'm off work.
3. Do fun things to get more exercise. Play with the kids. Swim in the pool. Ride bikes. Take walks. Read a book about exercising. Read a book period. Take a nap. Naps are good. Fall asleep watching a good movie.
4. Eat less fried foods. Grill, grill, grill! Yummy! Can I have chips with that?

Ok that is all I know of now!

What do I like that most other people don't?
1. Veggies. I even eat green veggies. You know collards and turnips. If you ever tried mine, you'd like them too.
2. Star Trek. Yes, I'm a trekkie.
3. Outer Limits and the Twilight Zone. Almost any old and cheesy Sci-fi or horror. I love it.
4. I really don't mind going to the dentist as long as nothing has to be pulled out.
5. I like to wear my socks to bed.
6. I like ketchup on almost everything. Even potato chips, eggs, cheese. You name it.
7. I like vanilla ice cream better than any other flavor.

I'm sure there are more.

I'm getting my hair cut today. One of those short flipped out cuts. I can't wait. It's already down to my shoulders again. I need to go make up shopping as well. All my lipstick is old and I'm nearly out of blusher and eyeshadwow.

I cancelled another doctor appointment. A gyn appointment. No women reading this would blame me I'm sure. I put it off till Friday.

Brandi is well and back in school. She pulled her toof yesterday. No she's a snaggle toof. She got a dollar, a silver dollar, a half dollar an da quarter from the ToofFairy.

I have to go to Comp USA today and pick up some computer junk.

I don't think these dark clouds will ever go away.

I have a story ready to send in to True Romance. Wish me luck!

Well, the snake saga continues...
Friday on the way home from work, I ran over a really huge snake. It was strung out half way across the road. I came around a curve going about 60 mph or so, and there was no way I could miss it. I heard it bump under my tires. It was a hiddeous sound. I squealed and looked in my rearview mirror. I saw it flop its head back to the edge of the road. It doubled almost in half. Then it slithered off the road.
Then, Monday morning, Jim, our senior pastor with the mind of a twelve year old (just kidding) put a fake snake under Susan's desk. She had all but forgotten the incident Friday and, once again, screamed. This snake looked REAL. When you pick it up, it even moves like a real snake. The tongue moves and everything.
So anyway, now we have a fake snake hidden here somewhere or other. I don't know where Nancy and Susan hid that thing.
Brandi is better today. She had step throat over the weekend, bless her heart. She didn't even cry when she got her shot. She lost a tooth today (her first time to lose one!) so now I can call her snaggle tooth!
Paul will be home Friday or Sunday, depending on if his dad has to work.
I watched the WB Superstar last night. It seemed so mean to me how they told them they had been picked for lacking talent. The girl was a good sport about it though. She just said, Oh whatever, I have a hundred thousand dollars now! To me that show seemed more cruel than the Swan did. There has been controversy over that show. I haven't heard anything about Superstar yet.
Sex in the City is supposed to come on in syndication beginning tonight. I have heard so much about that show, I may watch it. I don't think anything else comes on on Tuesday nights.

My Thoughts on Writing

In order to be a writer, you have to really want to. Not just kinda, sorta, but really really.
Why is that? Because writing is expensive, time consuming, and at times, frustrating.
It is expensive to buy the magazines that you hope to submit stories to. You need equipment with which to produce your work. Editors don’t want a pile of hand-written work sent to them. They want flawlessly printed manuscripts. You must buy paper to print your work on. Sometimes the same work must be printed many times to get it just right. Postage and envelopes must be purchased to send your work in, unless you are lucky enough to be able to email your work. Even then, some publishers charge a fee to consider your work.
It is time consuming to do the reading and research necessary to prepare to write. You read about how to write. You read magazines and books in order to find out what is selling as well as what has already been done. You read to find out what type of stories a particular magazine will accept. Sometimes you have to read a ton of magazines to find a match for your story. You also must do research to make sure you know what you are talking about if you choose to use certain facts in your story. Even though your story may be fiction, you have to seem knowledgeable about the place or subject the story is about. Otherwise you will lose the readers confidence in your writing.
The frustrations can be endless. The story never comes out on paper the way you pictured it in your mind. Getting the story to flow correctly takes many hours of revision. Getting spelling and grammar correct takes at least another hour. Then there is always that elusive element that you struggle to infuse. The mysterious something that just makes your story “work.” Sometimes that something won’t occur to you for weeks, months or even years. Then you finally get it down on paper. After revising and revising your revisions for the billionth time. You have gotten friends to go over it, since you have butchered, hacked and finally made yourself sick of reading your own work. You print it, mail it and wait agonizing weeks or months for a response. Then finally, you receive in the mail or your email a response. Nine times out of ten, you are honored with a lovely rejection. Hopefully you have received helpful instead of only harsh comments on your work.
Then you have to buck up, take a deep cleansing breath, let out a primal scream and do it all again.
Anyone who doesn’t absolutely love to write would never go through all this!

Snake in the Church!!!
Don't go looking for snakes -- you might find them!
And we did. In the kitchen. We weren't looking for one though!
Susan came to my office and said, "Cindy, there is something back here I want to show you."
So, Susan, Ms. Ruth and I went back to the kitchen. The snake had gotten caught by the end of his tail in a sticky rat trap. The rest of him was under the snake, uh, I mean SNACK machine. He was black with yellow stripes going long ways down him. Not rings, like a coral snake. He was very much alive. We were standing there looking at it trying to decide what to do about it and whether or not it was poisonous. Every time Susan barely touched my shoulder, I would jump out of my skin.
Susan went looking for Anthony or Porter, the custodians, to try and kill it.
I went to the storage closet looking for a weapon. I found something like a shovel but with a small metal thing on the end. It looked like something to grasp with. But I don't know what the heck it was.
On the way back to the kitchen, I passed Jim, the Senior Pastor. I said, "Jim, there is a snake in the kitchen!"
He said, "A snake?"
I said, "Yes, a snake. It is a creepy thing!"
Porter finally showed up with Susan. I popped a doughnut hole into my mouth. He and Jim coaxed the snake out from under the coke machine and Porter chopped it in half. Susan ran down the hall, screaming like a little girl. I followed her after I saw what looked like the snakes guts stringing out. I, too, screamed like a little girl. Susan looked over at me and said, "Are you going to be able to eat now?"
I was still chewing on the doughnut hole.
Then I walked back down the hall, towards the kitchen and the snake.
Susan asked, "Are you going back??!?"
"Morbid curiosity," I answered.

NEWS
It's finally Friday. I lived through another week.
Doug's sister had a heart attack, Wednesday I think it was. She's in her mid-forties. She's in the hospital in Jacksonville, FL and has to have five surgeries.

The First Hot Summer Day
It's hot here in the south during the summer. The hot weather can begin as early as March or April. Then by the time June and July hits it's really a heat wave.
All winter long, we get cabin fever, just wishing for warmer weather to come so we (the kids, especially) can get out of the house. Then when warm weather finally gets here, we go out expecting to have a great time. But the humidity gets so bad when it's hot. Our hair hangs limply and our shirt sticks to our body. Then we just want to go back in and enjoy the airconditioning. Thank the good Lord we have a pool at our apartment. That way we can jump in and get cooled off and have a chance at enjoying the outdoors.
Truly though, I love summer. I love to put my hair up in a pony-tail, put on some shorts and go hiking up in the mountains, picnic and swim in a lake. Beats the heck out of a cold winter day, anytime!

A Butterfly Spreading it's Wings
(Dang this one is hard!)
What is the difference in a butterfly and a bug? They have the same number of legs and the same feeler things sticking out of their buggy heads. But not just any bug can take off in flight in a colorful burst of color and beautify a day just by fluttering around. Most bugs make you shout in disgust and reach for a swatter. Not so the butterfly!
When a butterfly spreads its wings, it becomes a flying work of art. A beautiful thing for all to love.

What in Life is Still a Mystery to Me?
There are so many mysteries to life. Life without mystery would be very boring. Sometimes late at night, I find my self wondering. Why am I here? Why are we all here? Why at this particular time and not some other? Is there something I am supposed to do, but haven't done it yet? Is there something I was supposed to do, but failed to do it? Will there be another chance, or was it lost forever?

My 10+ favorite things to do: (not in order of course)
1. Going home on Friday, renting a movie, and having nothing pressing to do for 2 days.
2. Watching my children sleep
3. Losing 10 pounds, and not knowing how I did it
4. Laughing
5. Chatting on the Internet
6. Lying on the beach
7. Walking in the mountains
8. Writing a story and liking it
9. Getting a hug
10. Shopping (Hey, I'm female, it's in my blood.)
11. Looking in my purse and finding money I didn't know I had
12. Buying a new book.
13. Getting a visit from the Good Sex Fairy (is that one allowed???)
14. Buying my kids a toy
15. Opening presents on Christmas morning
16. Breakfast at Shoney's

Being Hurt:
Everyone has had such a person in their life. If not, it is only because you have not met them yet.

I looked at you
And saw
Every dream I ever dreamed,
Every wish I ever wished on any star.
But I know
It will never be.

The worst thing anyone ever did to me, was to not do anything wrong at all. If he would have only hurt me like others had done, I could have hated him. If I could have hated him I could have gotten over him and went on with my life. But he never did anything wrong and I fell in love. He didn’t love me back even though he was my best friend for many years. I knew he didn’t… couldn’t… wouldn’t….but I foolishly kept hoping one day he would.

Everyone has such a person in their life. The one person they love more than any other and they can never feel quite the same for anyone else and that person never loves you back. Maybe humans weren’t meant to love each other that way. It says in the Bible that God is a jealous God. Maybe we just aren’t allowed to be with someone we can love that much.

# posted by according to cindy @ 6/11/2004 07:14:00 AM

I'm enjoying my new office, with all the room and the view. It sure is quiet with Paul gone though. I hope he's having fun playing on the beach. I'm not sure when he gets back. I hope they have a safe trip.
It's about time for me to be thinking about when I will take my vacation. I think we will wait till the fall and go to the beach. I like going in the fall because the beaches aren't as crowded and the rates go down. I might take a short vacation during the summer also.
Doug has started working for himself full time. It's kind of good in a way. I was afraid when he first quit. Everything new is scary. Almost everyone resists change and fears the unknown. But I'm trying to look on the bright side. Every gray cloud has a silver lining and all those other overused cliches. He can take the kids in in the mornings. He can get housework done before he leaves work. He can take weekends off. We can start back to church. And we may come out better on our income taxes. I'm not going to list the drawbacks. I don't want to depress myself.
We took Brandi to a park over the weekend. It was new to us. We didn't stay long because it was so hot, muggy and humid we didn't stay very long. There was a pool there but you had to pay extra to get in. We have a pool at our aparment that we can swim in for free.
My favorite park to go to is Cheaha. I haven't been there in a while. I think we should plan a trip when Paul gets back. I've always loved going there to grill steaks, play in the water, hike and let the kids play on the playground. There is always Oak Mountain also. It's not as good as Cheaha, but it's closer.

Do you worry about what others think of you?
The truth is, if we know just how little attention others paid to us, we'd all worry a lot less about what others thought. The problem is, there are always those little negative jabs people hurl our way that make us more self-concious. They stand out and make us think that everyone is thinking that same thing. Usually the person who says harsh negative things toward us is really jealous, or has some reason for being awful toward you. It's a hard thing to overcome.
I think when most people meet me, they notice that I am very quiet. I've always been a quiet person. I believe people notice this, because they will either comment on it or complain about it. Some people are charmed by it I suppose, and others are irritated by it. It bothers me when people think you are dumb or a pushover because you don't talk a lot or don't talk loudly. Since when is being a loud person any sign of intelligence?
One final note, I'd like to say that no matter how worried I have ever been about what people think of me, I've never tried to be anything other than what I am. I figure when someone meets you they only have two choices. They can either like you or not like you. Which ever one they choose, I'd rather it be for what I really am.

The last thing I had a good cry over was losing a friend. I was broken hearted and cried a lot. I know I will never know another person like him, ever. If I think about it too much, even now, I will cry. I'm not sure if crying does any good. I'm not even sure I understand the whole crying reaction. I know I hate to cry but sometimes the urge just comes over me and I can't help it. That seems to have become less now that I am older.

Somethings I am not really good at:
I am not good with numbers. I am not good at speaking in front of large crowds. I am not good at confrontation. I am not a salesperson. I couldn't sell dollar bills for 50 cents. Susan is good at numbers. The pastors here are good at speaking in front of large crowds. My husband likes confrontation. I think his whole family does.

Somethings I am good at:
I am good at having patience. I am good at figuring out what is wrong with computers. I am good at desktop publishing. Some say I am good at writing. I am good at grilling steaks and hotwings.

I can not control what others do, think or feel. I can control what I do and think. I am not sure if I can control how I feel. I can't control the weather or the price of gas. I can control how much gas I use or what I do with each day.

Paul goes to his Dad's house for two weeks. He leaves in the morning. I will leave early today to go home and spend some time with him. I will miss him when he's gone. I'm sure he's going to miss me. He kept telling me last night. And he asked me several times to come home early today to spend some time before he leaves. That was the first thing he asked me when he woke up this morning. I want to hurry and get this work done so I can do that!

Home Coming:
Some days I can't wait to get home after work.
It's wonderful when I drive up and my two kiddies are outside. The moment they see me they are squealing in delight. My son (12) shouts, "Mom's home!" My daughter (5) comes running over to the car squeaking "Mommy, Mommy!" It's a really wonderful reception. Then I get the hugs and glad to see ya's, and then comes the few moments when I can sit and relax for a few moments before I start dinner. I usually sit with the kids and watch some reruns of the Simpson's and that Seventies Show. Then I try to get dinner done before seven. Dinner is usually in front of the TV. Hopefully no one spills a drink on the carpet!

The people I remember from my childhood:
Oh gosh there are so many people to remember from my childhood. The one who stands out the most is my Dad, of course. He has no idea, I'm sure how much he influenced me. Not by anything he ever said, but by the things he did and the way he is. He is the kind of person who would stop and help someone out, even a total stranger, and never want anything in return for it. He taught me about God and everything I know and believe came from what he taught me. He is a wonderful person. Everyone should know someone like my Daddy.
Gita is another person I remember from my childhood. She was (and probably is still there, I'm not sure) a very devoted Sunday School teacher and youth leader.
One of my best friends, Denise. I saw her everyday in school, from the fifth grade on. She died in a car wreck at the age of 34.

Brandi's Gradulations
Congradulations to Brandi on her graduation from Pre-school last night. She was so cute posing for the camera. She looked so sweet and so proud of herself. She had been talking about it for weeks and weeks and finally last night she gradulated. One of the little girls was shy and didn't want to stand in front of all the people. They said she was normally the most outgoing one. I was one proud momma last night! Her spider eating daddy almost cried as well.

This morning Brandi wanted to wear her cap and gown back to school. I had to convince her that the other children wouldn't be wearing theirs.

I bet the women at the day care hate me now!
The kids at the day care saw a bunny outside the window. I brought Brandi over to the window to let her look out at the bunny. There were so many kids standing at the window that this one little girl could not see out, so I picked her up and stood her on a chair so she could see out. The next thing I knew, several children were standing on chairs and tables and one was standing on a chair and leaning on the TV stand and the teachers had to tell them all to get down. I just kind of snuck on out of there...

Paul is at work with me this week. I took him and his friend James to Pizza Hut for lunch. I ate waaaaaaaaaaay too much.

I got my seventh LRWG assignment back last night. I will soon have Satan's Sister polished and ready to send off. I think I will send it to "True Love" confession magazine first and see how it does. There are a couple of others as well that I will be sending it to, such as Calyx. My instructor said my writing was energetic and had a dynamic aura. How bout that y'all??? LOL

My husband said he was going to quit his job today. Or at least turn in his 2 weeks notice. He wants to work on his own business full time. I didn't get a call from him around lunch time today, so I don't know what happened with that. I guess I will find out here shortly.

I am in my new office now. It is much bigger and has a window. I can see out into the lobby as well as outside. I have plenty of space to put things. I even have spaces with no things in them, and I couldn't say that before. I'm sure they will fill up soon! But it is nice to have a roomy office.