According to Cindy

I am so excited!
This is the best email I have ever gotten!
TWO articles published at Happy Woman Magazine!
Whoo Hoo!

Hello Cindy:
I sincerely apologize for this very late reply. We ran into some technical problems over the holiday season and we are still trying to catch up.

I loved the articles you sent "12 Hot Ways to Get a Man's Attention" and "The Babe Factor Act" and would very much like to feature them in Happy Woman Magazine. That is of course if the articles are still available - if they aren't then it is definitely my loss!

I was thinking either the 19th of March or April 16 for "The Babe Factor" and either the 5th of March or the 2nd April for "12 Hot Ways". I am sorry to be vague but I try to balance the content and I'm not always sure what the columnists will send.

Also could you possibly send me your bio? (That is of course if the articles are still available.)

In any case thank your for the good laugh!

Editor at Happy Woman

Yesterday I worked out while I baked a chocolate cake. This is not quite as ridiculous as it seems. See the chocolate cake is for my husband. I’m not even crazy about chocolate cakes. Well, not unless I melt reese cups on or in it. And I did not do that either. Doug doesn’t like the reese cup deal. The cake was for him, and I swear I’ll only eat a small slice of it, if any at all, really I won’t. Technically the workout was for him as well, since it will hopefully prevent him from having an out-of-shape wife. At least, I hope so. The only problem is he probably appreciated the chocolate cake more than me working out. Oh well, Paul will appreciate me being in shape enough to ride a bike with him. Maybe. Even if I did make an idiot out of myself on the BMX trail. He saved my life that day. And Brandi likes it that I am not too fat to hide somewhere so we can play hide-and-seek. We played yesterday and she walked right by me in the bedroom and didn’t see me. I was hiding behind the door. She decided after walking into a few rooms, that she just couldn’t find me and sat down and began watching TV. By the time I figured out she was no longer looking for me, she was engrossed in a TV show and had forgotten we were playing.

She asked me to make curry chicken for her. She saw this on Hello Kitty and now she wants to try it with the rice and everything. I know she’s not going to like it. She won’t even eat gravy on mashed potatoes. But I will make it for her anyway because I love little Miss Princess Complex.

Paul wants the new Pokemon movie that comes out tomorrow. At least I think it is Pokemon. It may be Yugioh or who knows what, but I want to see Le Divorce, so I may send Doug after those movies. I still haven’t seen American Marriage yet. I didn’t rent any movies this past weekend. It seems like I get much more done on weekends I don’t rent movies. Maybe I should watch all my movies through the week.

We had company last night, so I didn't work out or work on my writing goals. I am such a bum.

To top it all off, Doug forgot to set the alarm last night so we all woke up late this morning. We are such bums!

But I did make it to work, and only about 10 minutes late. I did ok. The traffic is lighter when I leave late, so I should just stop trying to leave the house so early. It doesn't make that much difference anyway as to what time I actually get here.

I'm supposed to have lunch with Julie today.

Time to get to work!

IT WAS SO HORRIBLE

I took my son to a restaraunt with a buffet. It is one near here that he loves. It was pretty good. I had salad and soup and the bread with the honey butter. Then, while he was having his icecream and jelly beans, I thought I would try the meatloaf. Meatloaf is a rare treat for me, since no one at my house likes it very much. Well, I tasted it, and thought, this meatloaf tastes unusual. Mine is much better. After the next bite, I realized what it was made of. Not just hamburger, spices and bread crumbs. I got a mouthful of LIVER! To say that I am not fond of liver is a huge understatement. I would rather eat hay with the horses in a barn than eat liver. It is so gross. I can still taste it.

Will my week ever get any better?

Doug called and promised to pet me when I get home.

Maybe I won't barf before I get home!

THE EVOLUTION OF A MARRIAGE

Ok y'all. This week is NOT starting out any better than last week.

I hit my foot on the metal stand on the weight bench yesterday. I thought I had just stubbed it. It stopped hurting until this morning. When I got up and started getting ready, it began throbbing. I took some advil and showed it to my husband.

I read somewhere, that a marriage goes through these lovely stages. I would give credit to the book I read this in, but I can't remember where that was at the moment. When I find out, I will add that.

Anyway, the stages of a marriage go like this, and this is NOT an exact quote:

The first year the woman comes home and tells her husband she is sick. He is overwhelmed with worry and puts his wife to bed and waits on her hand and foot. He may even insist on taking her to the doctor. While she is sick, he makes sure she stays in bed and he takes care of her every need.

If she gets sick during the fifth year of marriage, he is still somewhat concerned. He tells her to take something and go on to bed. He takes care of most things she usually would.

By the time the tenth year of marriage comes along, and she comes home and says she's sick, he tells her to hurry up and take something, so she can get his dinner on the table.

Well, I have been married for more than ten years, as I could tell it this morning. I told my husband I thought my toe was broken. He just looked at it and said, "No way. You just want to take MLK day off."

NO SYMPATHY WHATSOEVER!!! He doesn't care about my little piggy and that it is all blue and swollen. It's crying wee wee and not even on its way home. It's all hurting and everything, but does he tell me to sit down? NO. Does he offer to bring me some ice to put on it? NO. Does he even say, "I'm so sorry your tiny little toe is purple and hurts like hell"? NO NO NO.

And the worst part is, I think this is supposed to even go down hill. What will it be like when we have been married 20 years?

Will he give me poison to finish me off???

From January 18:
Shaggy married Barbie this weekend at my house. I thought it was an unusual match-up, but as long as they and my daughter are happy with the arrangement, I guess it is fine with me. Maybe it’s time I got her a ken doll.

Freddy fought Jason. That was a fairly good movie. So was Uptown Girls. The little girl in that movie reminded me of Brandi a lot. I just love Brittany Murphy, too.

Last week was a horrible week. I hope this week is better. My car broke down on the interstate and for once I was glad for the slow traffic early in the morning. Paul got in trouble at school. I found out he has not been turning in his homework like he should. I had to take away his playstation, gameboy & yugioh cards. It’s hard being a momma sometimes.

I have met most of my writing goals this week. I didn’t write every single night, but made 2 out of 4. It is time to work on next weeks goals.

From January 13:
I’m watching the Spy Who Shagged Me. I may not get any writing done tonight…
I may work on my essay or my coyote story. I will most definitely finish my novel after this movie goes off.
I’m pretty sure the house I called about last week is off the market now, one way or another.
I submitted an essay to 3 magazines this week. I had a fourth one to send it to but the Oxford American is out of business. I am about to work on an essay to try and answer the age old question, “Why women like bad boys?” I’m not sure I know a scientific answer but it is as good as the stuff I hear on the discovery channel.
Paul got hit by a kid on his bus. Schools are getting so bad.

I enjoyed a really quiet weekend. I wrote plenty and finished my goals for the first weekend in January. I found four magazines to send an essay and got the first draft done on my sixth assignment. I checked out two books for research at the library and read half of one.
Besides that I watched a movie, Devil’s Pond. I found it to be a fairly enjoyable movie. It had plenty of suspense. The other movies I had hoped to see were all checked out as you would expect on a Saturday afternoon. Considering the work I accomplished, it was a good thing they were out.
We should know something about the house I want to rent this week. The last time I drove by, the rent sign was still up.

TGIF! Finally Friday is here. Paul goes to his dad's this weekend. I will probably take Brandi to McDonald's after work, so she can eat and play on the play fort for a while. I usually bring something to read while she plays.
I am fairly caught up this week. I only have a short list of things to do today and one of them involves getting started on next weeks work.
I will go by the bank at lunch and to the chinese buffet.
I wrote nearly 300 words last night on my coyote story. I think my total this week is near 800. I also read some in my Book Dixie Spirits and made some notes about Voodoo for my black cat story. I think I will find a place to submit an essay this week and begin work on Consuming Obsession for my 2 submissions this month.
No big weekend plans yet. It looks so rainy out, we probably won't go anywhere. I have to go to the library to take some books back in the morning. I will probably write some in my blog then.

I feel like the guy on the movie Dumb and Dumber. I'm not sure which one I mean.
You know the one who was after the hot girl but she wouldn't pay him any attention. Finally she told him, I can't remember if it was "one chance in a billion" or "a snowball's chance in hell." He gets this really hopeful look and says to her --- "So, you're telling me there IS a chance."
That is me. Lord help me. I am hopeless.

Other than that, my tummy muscles are twice as sore as they were yesterday from doing my crunches. I just hope they do SOME good. Usually whatever help they do is so minimal it is hardly worth it. Isn't there anything that will give a 30+ woman a belly like Brittany??? No I guess not.

I am debating on trips this year. Jamaica is out, because the youth are going and that is the week of spring break. Paul can't stay home alone and he would cut his toes off before spending a day in DAY CARE, so no Jamaica. I am thinking of going to the Lousiana trip to bag groceries. It's an older group who does that, but that is ok. I want to go on a swamp boat ride.

The Simple Life was dissapointing last night. It was all right but not nearly as funny as it normally is.
I read some papers about coyotes and some about voodoo for some stories I am writing.
I overslept this morning. That is the way to start out the day, right!
Julie called and cancelled our lunch date.
Now I am going to get some work done before lunchtime!
May post some more after lunch.

I had another blond moment yesterday. The Simple Life did not come on last night. It comes on tonight. So, if you didn't look for it then, you still have a chance.

I was a good girl last night. I wrote way way over 200 words on my coyote story and did a word exercise. I also did my crunches. My tummy muscles are appropriately sore today. However one thing I can't figure... In spite of the fact that I tortured myself by drinking only slim fast and not eating Captain Dees with my son, I still SOMEHOW gained 3 lbs. NOT FAIR NOT FAIR!!!

One thing I absolutely detest is rude salesmen on the phone. I just had a run-in with one earlier today. I have repeatedly turned down offers for his overpriced ink jet toners and I thought the last time I spoke with him on the phone I had gotten rid of him forever. STILL I got another call from him today. For crying out loud, they never give up do they??? He has this schtick (how do you spell that??) where he offers to send out a card with a Wal-mart gift card in my name. THEN after you feel obligated with the "free gift" he starts trying to send you a bunch of overpriced ink cartridges. Well as soon as he started talking about the Wal-mart gift card, I immediately told him, "You can send a catalogue if you like, but we do NOT need any ink cartridges." He hung up the phone as soon as I said that. I am thinking about calling his company and complaining about him.
Right after that some dude called wanting to sell Oracle products. WHAT??? This is a church, we don't need all this overpriced database software or whatever it is.
Ok nuff plaining, I'll shut up now!

First off, if you aren't watching "A Simple Life," you better get to it! It comes on tonight on Fox at 7 PM CST. You will laught your butt off I promise.

Why does it have to be so freaking hard not to eat??? I had to go to Captain Dee's just now and get Paul lunch. I managed not to order anything and come back and drink my slim fast. I have some crackers for a snack. Diets SUCK! I have it figured out. I just need to lose one pound a week for the next 20 weeks to be ready for the swim suit season. I need a diet buddy!!! Any takers? Someone to talk me out of eating -- Please!

I didn't write my hundred words last night. Shame, Shame on me. I watched 2 movies and fell asleep during the second one. Neither was that great either. I did think up some good ideas for my coyote story however. I will work on that tonight. I promise!

I did do my exercise last night though. I spent 15 minutes on the stairclimber. Tonight I will do my crunches and stuff.

I have read a few Romance novels lately. I read the Bachelor's Dare, and a flipside novel and a Harlequin Intrigue novel. I have never read those much, but I have to say they can be addictive. I spent the morning surfing eharlequin dot com. I requested the free trial books and am tempted to order other books.

On New Year’s Day I was tired of cooking big dinners and could not decide WHAT to fix. It appeared my tradition of cooking something totally new (that I have never made before) would be called off this year. But, while watching the Twilight Zone Marathon, I saw something that sounded perfect: a Dejourno Chicago Style Deep Dish Pizza. It sounded really good and I have never made a deep dish pizza of any kind before. So, that and a salad was our New Year’s Day Dinner. It was also very good!

The day after new years, Doug Brandi and I set off pick to up my son at the state line. After we picked him up, we were going to go to my parents’ house for a visit. When we got to the convenience store to get gas, I noticed Doug had on sweat pants. Not just any sweat pants either. The sweat pants I wore when I was 9 months pregnant. He weighs like 130 lbs and the pants don’t touch him anywhere. I hollered at him for dressing sloppy. I didn’t care so much that he had worn sweat pants, but he could have worn some that fit. I think about all the articles that tell women not to go around the house looking sloppy and running the risk of other women appearing more attractive to their husbands. I think I am going to write an article warning men not to go out sloppy and embarrass the heck out of their wives. If they do we men who dress neater in public will appear more attractive to us and we might have an affair.

We had left early and didn’t fix breakfast. My husband got a biscuit at the convenience store. I wasn’t hungry enough to want one of THOSE biscuits. However, the smell made me even hungrier, so I asked him to stop at Jack’s. BIG MISTAKE THERE!! Oh the biscuit was fine and Brandi loved her hash browns as well. But the moment we pulled up to the drive through window my husband looked over at me and said, “Damn Cindy!” and I said, “What, I didn’t do anything…” and suddenly, the smell hit me full force. He said, “Oh no, I KNOW you didn’t do that.” One look to my right told me where the smell was coming from. A big truck was parked there with the words “Septic Tank Cleaner” on the side. I covered my face with a napkin and handed one to Brandi. Doug was yelling, “Find something to spray! I know there is something in here somewhere! Spray something!” I found a bottle of “Off” bug spray and sprayed it. It didn’t help a lot, but we managed to get the biscuit and drive away. I didn’t even bother with my usual request for BBQ sauce and grape jelly since the car smelled like 10,000 dirty baby diapers. No, really worse than that. We just made a run for fresh air. BLECH!!! It was hideous.

We got Paul and then went to my mom & dad’s house for a visit. My dad had had knee replacement surgery and had been in rehab for that for a while. My sister is thinking of going back to school. She either wants to become a pharmacist or take business administration. I hope she takes pharmacy, because there seems to be so many people with business degrees that are doing nothing. It is of course, up to her. My uncle had broken the TV, so they had bought a big flat screen TV. He’s been ornery and my sister cussed him out over something or other. I wasn’t sure what that whole deal was with that. My brother is still with his wife. There was something going on last time I was there and I wasn’t sure if they would stay together or not. She had gone to his boss and told on him for something and they wound up firing him. It seemed she had shot her own self in the foot by doing that, but who can figure out the logic of others… Anyway, he had to look for another job. He is now an instructor for a parole office. He had to go to Forsythe and take a course to be able to get this job. He finished second in his class of around a thousand. We’re proud of him. At any rate, I may love living in this apartment, about like I love a toothache, but I’m glad I’m out of there.

Brandi has become picture obsessed. Especially pictures of herself. This is part of her conceited princess complex. I got into a box of old pictures the other morning and now she constantly looks at them. She just can’t get over how cute she was as a baby and all the stages between now and then.

Jordan brought me a red wild rose Saturday after I told her happy birthday. I thought I had embarrassed her, because when I told her I thought about it being her birthday that morning she said, “Oh that is so weird.” But then she brought the rose. SO SWEET!

I made a new friend Sunday night. Her name is Haley and she’s 7. She has a 5 year old sister named Heather. I hope they will become friends with Brandi. Paul has so many friends, but Brandi doesn’t have any girls her age to play with. Haley told me her mom used to be Miss Alabama. I have not seen her yet. She has a much older teenage sister and an older brother.